hmmmm,,,, dear black page of my blog..think its grate time to change colour....
and now feeling too sleepy and like my bed evoking a spell for me jump onto my warm bed...
and flying into the my old red camion for new adventures....
so good to think that am sometimes alien....
n more the tic tac tic tac rushing till the sun set and the returns of the moonlight... am havin less opinions of thing aroud me... its a very frustrating thing..now that am thinking of it,,
and wat if its time for no opinion n be a zombie ....or no opinion n be a little creature simply... perhps its no time for oinion right now...
or perhaps i do have opinions but about telling them.. i am freezed.....n therfore i think i have no opinionss... ........so think i should stop thinking on that particular subject
well the thing is....
i am not a talkative person... and sometimes my silent make me remember that am actually on the silent mode.... i dont have nothing to say most of the time....
is that normal...
guess ive alwys been like that throughout my existence.........

i thnk i am out of my sugar pills and some chocolate would be the moist welcome.... but no chocolate hiden somewhre....
ive stop asking question..peshaps ther is no use of asking question for things that dont have answer....
or herre is the need to ask the question y ther is no answer... thinkam going crazyyyy..but watever ever,,,that will
last for ever..hihi..

i dont need you now

the perfect square
the perfect circle
the perfect of the imperfectness
like the things i thought to make so perfectly but but succeeded more than imperfectness'
like the day ive dream am no more me
feeling dizzy
the invisible cigaret in between my fingers wish to give some exhaustful thoughts
like flashes running in between the fields of stone ,turning the images to a mosaic of impulsions
ive been dreaming a life not for me
turning round
visions are too old
falling down again
in the vicious ritual
we are waiting again
i don't want to waste
more of my life
i just want to resined
all my crimes
all is my fault
i like to pretend
the cause of my disaster
like life made me the mess ive myself made to me
seemed that the saucepan full of secrets was over flooded
i want 1to feel your silent
want to feel your breathe
only thought i share in my secret place.
secret exhibition
cure for loneliness
dancing with my shadow



(perhaps wat am writing dont make any sense but i dont care)

simple things unable me to write..

dear me
am trying to write my week 2day bt it seam that i dont know to write them
simple things
i guess its more difficult to express simplicity
weird
...this week ive been dreaming a life i would have never dreamed before.
it just happen after so many years i want to make thingssss
things completely different from wat i actually do
today ive wanted to take courses in therapeutic massage ,hairdressing,or even aesthetic care.
n finally too much at a time
n indeed the list is even longer....

fiioooof perhaps one day i will make them... but the most important i should not 4get what i want to do..

why

why
i wonder myself...
i decided not to talk my feelings
its better
better for whom
i guess for myself
talking what i need to say would lead to nowhere specially it seamed i have all the answers and yet nothing at all........
am confused
and fill with anger
for other reasons
why! why! why!
do the monster still following
still harassing me
and now not directly but indirectly
i just want to be free
i want to feel free with no monster around
an i wish sometimes am n evil only to get rid of it...
but its beyond me.
am tired
tired

nothing matters

sometimes words are worthless.

and at that very moment iam not

sure if if i do really have something to say..

indeed have plenty of things..but

well think i had a nice time those few

weeks and enjoying myself with no no one around

well today ive met a friend whom i saw after a decade..
she was different

she is now Mrs.......
well...i actually cant feel that atmosphere of marriage..

whats the use of marriage..

well i do know the importance and everything that comes along but....

but its just that lately i cant figure myself being married,,,,

just feel uncomfortable about it and had an awefull atmosphere about it

to the things i cant see....

i wish i was free. i felt being free.

and being free is never enough..

am tired

tired of thinking

and messing everything .....finding conclusions that lead to nowhere only koz am staying like... some smashed potato,,,,,

being a passive stranger to myself

i just need a big kick....an electric shock perhaps and wake me up....

have my portfolio to complete... and thought so much of it that now i have no guts to start

it..perhaps ive been thinking too much.... n still being afraid of not being a `la hauteur` for my 3rd year.... ...

n now thinking too much of myself............am fed up with myself

feel myself like an alien walking down the street and feel everyone with their eyes popping wild at me

at me...like me being weird

or perhaps its just an impression
am fed up with myself
koz too much of conversation is being inside,within myself instead of talking to the right person.

and fed up.ya thing s need to be change..hell with everybody ..have to live my live...have only one life so...dnt need to be afraid to make things...that will only unable me doing thing i really want and loosing time unnecessary